


The Weakest Thing You Love

by TheOriginalSilvertongue



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon-Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, POV Loki (Marvel), movie gap filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 09:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24349027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOriginalSilvertongue/pseuds/TheOriginalSilvertongue
Summary: Select scenes from the original Thor film (Marvel, 2011) from Loki's POV.
Relationships: Loki & Odin (Marvel), Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 21





	The Weakest Thing You Love

It only takes two words to break a heart. If there is a competition to do it in fewer words, I should like to remain a non-competitor. Just two simple words. It could take more, but to break mine only took two. More about that later.

_______________________

Before we mount our horses, I tell a guard where we are going. I order him to give Odin this information after we’ve left. Very simple instructions. When I turn back to join the others, I catch Hogun’s eyes upon me. He may have seen me speak to the guard, but he says nothing. They don’t call him Hogun the Grim for nothing, though really, it’s unfair. He’s not grim by nature, simply taciturn. Quite different in my experience. I climb up into the saddle, and we are off at a gallop out of the city gates and down the long stretch of the Bifrost to the Observatory at the end.

I almost wasn’t paying attention, so much am I anticipating Odin descending upon us to put a stop to this madness, but I hear Heimdall’s warning before we leave on what was to be our ill-fated visit to Jotunheim.

“Be warned. I will honor my sworn oath to protect this Realm as its Gatekeeper. If your return threatens the safety of Asgard, Bifrost will remain closed to you. You’ll be left to die in the cold wastes of Jotunheim,” he tells us in his deep voice. We didn’t usually get warnings like this before using Bifrost. I am glad I told the guard where we are supposed to be headed.

“I have no plans to die today,” Thor brags. Fandral steps forward with a grin and a nod in support.

“None ever do,” observes Heimdall with more dry humor than I would have credited him with. He begins to spin up the workings of the Observatory, to ready Bifrost for our ‘departure’. Sif dons her hood, looking wary.

“Couldn’t you just leave the bridge open for us?” Volstagg asks when Heimdall signals all is ready. He sounds concerned, and I definitely feel it. Odin should have been here by now, putting a stop to this charade. It would be enough that Thor willfully disobeyed his express command, breaking the law by insisting on going to Jotunheim. We needn’t actually _go_ for me to make my point – that my brother is reckless, dangerous, arrogant – not ready to be Asgard’s king. Sneaking a couple of frost giants into the weapons vault to activate the Destroyer was just the type of ‘gentle nudge’ Thor needed to show his true colors to father, who seems utterly and inexplicably bamboozled by the same adoration the rest of Asgard shows every little thing Thor does, regardless of whether or not it is merited. 

_Must be nice._

The Bifrost spins up, a whirl of color. Heimdall’s answer is patient as ever, it seems. “To keep this bridge open would unleash the full power of the Bifrost and destroy Jotunheim with you upon it.”

“Ah.” Volstagg doesn’t like the idea of dying that day any more than the rest of us do. “Never mind then.”

_Damn it all, where is the Allfather?_

The vortex of the Bifrost opens, and I have no choice but to go along with the rest of the party.

Hogun speaks my exact thoughts once we land upon Jotunheim: 

“We shouldn’t be here.”

We shouldn’t have made it this far. Odin was supposed to have stopped us. I must stall Thor. He still has that look in his eye, and none of the others will talk sense to him. 

“Thor.” I look around anxiously. “Perhaps we should wait.” If I can just keep him here close to the Bifrost site, maybe nothing will happen before father gets here.

“For what?” Thor demanded.

“To survey the enemy.” It doesn’t sound at all unlike the usual advice I give him in tense situations. He always wants to rush in. Part of my complaint that got us here in the first place. We are the very illustration of what I had been trying to avoid. The irony is not lost upon me, but I don’t find it funny. “To gauge their strengths and weaknesses from a distance.”

The only person who backs me up is Volstagg, who I think probably accomplishes the opposite of what he intended by agreeing with me. 

“We know all we must. It’s time to act.” Thor heads off toward what looks like some kind of ruins. Reluctantly, one by one, we follow him. 

_Just like always, even if he is leading us to our own doom. This is why he cannot be king. Not yet. Why can’t the wise Allfather see this? Does his love for Thor blind him to all else? And by the Nine, WHERE IS HE?_

_______________________

As the others use the healing stones, I pick at my left hand nervously, pacing.

“We never should have let him go,” Volstagg laments, healing the burns the frost giant who grabbed him had given upon contact. I have no such burns, despite being grabbed in a similar fashion. No, instead, my hand and arm had turned the same shade of blue as the frost giant itself. Raised lines had appeared. The Jotun looked like it recognized me, or could at least read what the markings meant. He could have killed me, so stunned was I. Instead, I slew him. Whatever he saw stayed his hand but not mine. 

“There was no stopping him,” Sif points out, and she’s right. 

Fandral chimes in with his usual good cheer, despite his shoulder being run through with a spear of ice. The healing stones would work quickly on that wound as well. “At least Thor is only banished, not dead. Which is what we’d all be if that guard hadn’t told Odin where we’d gone.”

“How did the guard even know?” Volstagg wonders aloud.

I stare at my hand for a moment longer, then confess. “I told him.”

They all look shocked.

“I told him to go to Odin after we’d left, though he should be flogged for taking so long,” I continue. 

“Why would you do that?” Volstagg again.

“I saved our lives!” I point out, voice rising. “And Thor’s! I had no idea father would banish him for what he’d done.” That hadn’t been my goal at all. 

It is the loyal Sif who steps in to plead when the others were too proud. She and I have already had words about this misadventure, but privately. “Loki, you’re the only one who can help Thor now. You must go to the Allfather and convince him to change his mind!”

“And if I do? Then what?” I hiss back in return, stung by her public defense of my brother. “I love Thor more dearly than any of you.” Tears of anger, shock, sadness start to brim in my eyes. I refuse to let them loose. “But you know what he is. He’s arrogant, he’s reckless, he’s dangerous. You saw how he was today.” I want to implore them to listen to reason, to see Thor for the danger he is to Asgard, not just for the friend they have come to know and love. I love Thor too and freely admit so. If they think my actions prove otherwise, then they are very much mistaken. 

But I also love Asgard, and we’ve always been taught that the good of the realm comes before personal feelings. That a good king makes decisions with his head and not his heart.

“Is that what Asgard needs from its King?” I challenge them all with solid stares. None of them reply to either agree or dissent. Apparently, they are done speaking with me if I will not do their bidding. 

_Fine. I have better things to do than argue with my brother’s sycophants._

“You’re all welcome, by the way,” I snap as I leave them to their healing. Nobody had bothered to even acknowledge the service I’d done us all, let alone thank me for it. Were it not for me, we’d all be dead right now, thanks to my brother, and they defend him still. 

It is a pattern with which I am not unfamiliar, and it galls me.

_______________________

It wasn’t until after I’d learned that I was a Jotun, the stolen son of King Laufey of Jotunheim, and the Allfather had slipped into the Odinsleep, that Heimdall’s words about how the Bifrost worked came back to me. My ‘friends’ came to speak to their king with an urgent matter and were surprised to find me seated upon the throne of Asgard, the mighty spear Gungnir in hand as a sign of my legitimate right to be there.

They don’t want to speak to me now any more than they did before when I would not bow to their wishes regarding Thor. They ask instead for my mother. 

“She has refused to leave my father’s bedside,” I tell them, shaking my head. “You can bring your urgent matter to me.” I place a hand over my own chest, rising to my full height to look down upon them from the dais upon which the throne Hliðskjálf sits. “Your King.” 

“We would ask you to end Thor’s banishment.”

I sigh. I knew that was coming. I fix them all with a regal gaze from beneath my helm. “My first command cannot be to undo the Allfather’s last.” I descend the stairs slowly as I continue speaking. “We’re on the brink of war with Jotunheim! Our people must have a sense of continuity in order to feel safe in these difficult times.” I reach their level, standing right before them. Surely the symbolism is obvious to even them. “All of us must stand together, for the good of Asgard.”

There is more whining and groveling, and at one point I’m pretty sure Sif is thinking about killing me, but it is when she and the Warriors Three depart that the idea comes. 

_What if I could stop this war before it even starts? What if I could make sure Jotunheim would never again be a threat to Asgard or any of the other realms?_

“To keep this bridge open would unleash the full power of the Bifrost and destroy Jotunheim.”

I had the means by which to annihilate Jotunheim. There was just a little something I needed to prove to Odin first. For that, I needed Laufey. Then the rest of the planet could perish.

“An alliance, bring about a permanent peace… through you.”

I would prove myself worthy. I would prove myself able to accomplish what neither Odin nor Thor could! Jotunheim and its King would never be a threat ever again to anyone. All these years and no one’s ever dared to use the Bifrost as a weapon. 

_I dare._

_______________________

Tricking Laufey into coming to Asgard was laughably easy. So was killing him. I felt nothing but satisfaction in the deed, defending Odin from that beast who would have happily plunged a dagger into his sleeping breast. Mother arrived just in time to see the best part. Impeccable timing, really.

And then Thor showed up to ruin all the fun. Good thing I was prepared for that. And good thing I was prepared for Heimdall’s predictable betrayal too. Laufey was right about one thing: the house of Odin HAD been full of traitors. One of them stands outside the Bifrost Observatory now, encased in ice. He’s lucky I don’t kick him over the side, but I’d rather watch his trial when this is all over.

Taking Heimdall’s sword, I activate the Bifrost and then, using Jotun abilities I never knew I possessed before, I jam the mechanism in the on position with summoned ice. It encases everything, including the arcs of energy the Bifrost begins to give off as the overload builds. It’s beautiful, made no less so by its deadliness. It reminds me of paintings I’ve seen depicting Yggdrasil, the World Tree that holds all Nine Realms. Except the Nine Realms are about to be a realm short. I can live with eight, I think. Eight peaceful realms. 

The Bifrost is anything but peaceful, though, the power doubling back and building upon itself. I am not certain Asgard will escape entirely undamaged from this, but it seems like a price worth paying. I am admiring my handiwork when my brother shows up yet again. He just can’t seem to get the hint that I have everything under control here. 

Thor tries to stop me. As usual. Trying to hog all the glory. 

“You can’t stop it!” I taunt him. “The Bifrost will build until it rips Jotunheim apart!”

“Why have you done this?” Thor nearly wails. He’s such a simpleton sometimes.

“To do what father never could. To destroy their kind forever. When he awakens, he’ll see the wisdom of what I’ve done.”

“He won’t!” Thor argues. “You can’t kill an entire race!”

This makes me laugh, considering the source. “Why not? What’s this newfound love for the frost giants? You who would have killed them all with your bare hands.”

“I’ve changed.”

“So have I.”

_______________________

We fight, but I have to goad him sorely to get him to do it. I don’t have to win this fight with Thor, I just have to delay him long enough that the Bifrost does its job. I’m not sure how long that will take, so I get him good and riled up. He doesn’t even know what I am talking about when I tell him that I am not his brother and never was, but I can tell it rankles. Thor does not like to be denied. I use all my tricks. I guess I haven’t changed all that much. Nor has Thor. He’s mostly self-righteous rage and hammer, the usual. What he did on Earth to ‘redeem’ himself so quickly during his banishment, I cannot imagine.

But sometimes I do not give that idiot enough credit. His bleeding heart keeps him from killing me when he could have, merely pinning me to the bridge with Mjolnir instead. With it placed upon my chest, I am unable to rise, unable to lift it from atop me. But he cannot stop the Bifrost and keep me there with it. He cannot stop the Bifrost at all. Except by destroying it, and so that is what he does.

Thor destroys the Bifrost to protect Asgard's enemies, and to keep me from outshining him with such a decisive triumph over the Jotuns. I don't think I've ever been so angry with anyone in my life as I was with him then. It is in that moment that I truly hate Thor for the first time, but it's still not as much as I hate myself already with what I now know.

The explosion is terrific, waves rippling outward as the Observatory skews off trajectory and wobbles down over and into the Sea of Space that surrounds Asgard. It’s built such power that it spins itself into a wormhole. Glittering chunks of rainbow crystal, former pieces of the Bifrost Bridge and Observatory, follow it down in a dizzying whorl of gold, sparkles, and fire. Dimitri would love it, all golden, flaming and destruction. 

_Father is never going to forgive this mess._

Such odd things come into one’s head when death seems imminent. Convinced both Thor and I are now doomed to plunge after the wreckage we’ve created, I still want our father’s approval. He’s not going to like what he wakes up to from the Odinsleep: Bifrost broken, princes dead, Jotunheim perhaps destroyed perhaps only damaged, his Queen in mourning…for at least one of those lost sons. I am not so sure about the other. Asgardians do not mourn the deaths of frost giants, do they?

_Asgardians. They._

Already I am an outsider in my own mind.

I still have a hold on Gungnir when my flight comes to a stop. It surprises me both that the spear is still locked in my grip and that my fall has halted. I look up, my cape streaming behind me, to see that Thor holds the other end of Gungnir. Above him, my eyes widen to behold none other than Odin Allfather standing at the broken edge of the Bifrost, holding Thor by the leg. That is the chain over the abyss, the three of us: Odin, Thor, and me. Father woke up just in time, it seems.

There, dangling from the edge of our devastation, I have one last chance to explain. One last chance to redeem myself. One last chance to truly be the son Odin wants. “I could have done it, father! I could have done it! For you! For all of us!” I’m not explaining myself very well, but in my defense, I am quite literally hanging by one hand over a chasm in space. But I already see it in his face, in the weathered gaze of his single eye: disappointment.

“No, Loki,” says my father. 

Those two words bear more crushing weight on my heart at that moment than any black hole ever could. If I thought there was a way back from this before, those two words remove any remaining hope I had. They will never accept me. I will never be understood. I will never be good enough. Broken by two simple words.

“Loki, no!” cries my brother, safe in our father’s love again.

Denial is the last thing I hear as I let go and plunge into the Void my own failure has created.

**Author's Note:**

> Story art: [HERE](https://img00.deviantart.net/13ef/i/2016/311/6/c/the_weakest_thing_you_love___thor_loki_by_loki__silvertongue-dankx3w.jpg)
> 
> Art: mine | Lines from the film _[Thor](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800369/)_ have been incorporated into this piece.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Comments, concrit, corrections all welcome.


End file.
